Where your work meets your life. See more from Ascend here.
When I was a kid, I thought the word of grown-ups was the word of god. This was especially true when it came to my parents. I was anxious and paranoid, with a mild case of OCD, always running to my mom thinking I was sick, always bugging my dad about how to deal with social things. Growing up in a small town, where there were few reflections of queer people like me, I was suspicious of myself, untrusting and afraid.
My parents were the people who loved me anyway, and when they told me to do something, I did. I depended on their advice around how to navigate conflict, manage anxiety — and once I graduated from college, how to make smart choices about my life and career.
But, like everyone, I got older. Over the years, I changed. I moved to a city, traveled, met new people, and formed opinions and values of my own. You can imagine how devastating it was when I realized those values didn’t always align with my parents’ beliefs. I had to look inward and decide for myself which advice I would — or wouldn’t — take.
We’ve probably all experienced a version of this story. As kids, we rely on adults to guide us. As teens, we look to our friends. Once we’re grown, we have our mentors, partners, and allies.
Even so, the older we get, the harder it becomes to find good advice. As we learn more about what we want, and who we are, the guidance we seek becomes more particular. Likewise, we are more careful about what we take to heart. These boundaries are empowering, but with them comes a challenge: finding people we trust to guide us in the right direction.
For me, good job advice has been the most difficult to come across as an adult. The workforce shifts with every generation. There are plenty of people who can relate to the problems I’ve faced. But fewer can help me solve them in the context of today.
On Ascend, we wanted to address this through our advice column, “Ask an Expert.” We use this space to connect you, our readers, with professionals who share your experiences and values. You send us questions about what you’re struggling with, and we ask one of our specialists to personally respond.
If you ever need a little guidance — this resource is available to you.
Recommended Reads
Ask an Expert: How Do I Advocate For Myself at Work?
by Rachel Montañez
“I would love your help in understanding how to best advocate for myself at work. I always feel uncomfortable and nervous having conversations around advocacy as a woman of color, and I want to get over that to continue progressing in my career.”
Ask an Expert: How Can I Plan for a Successful Career and a Family?
by Danna Greenberg
“How do women progress in their career, go back to school, and still bear children at a reasonable age? I know it’s complicated and everyone is different, but any stories of how women get through an MBA program and manage a family is welcome.”
Ask an Expert: How Do I Become a CEO?
by Sally Blount and Paul Leinwand
“I want to use [my new role] as a starting point to grow and advance into an executive/ C-suite position one day. I am seeking any advice that you may have on ways to make myself stand out among the competition in this lower-level position.”
Ask an Expert: My Colleagues Can’t Get My Name Right
by Talisa Lavarry
“How does one politely respond when being called by the wrong name? On many occasions, my boss’s boss has confused me with another colleague… While I have great respect for my colleague, I still struggle to convey my own unique identity.”
Ask an Expert: I Freeze Up During Job Interviews
by Alice Boyes
“I have great social skills, but during job interviews I struggle. I have trouble recalling answers to questions that I have practiced beforehand… I try to gather my thoughts on how to best respond, but then I become stuck in my head and appear hesitant…How can I overcome this and get better at interviews?”
Ask an Expert: My Team Members Keep Leaving Me Out
by Ruchika Tulshyan
“I work at a very small startup company. There are five full-time employees including me, the CEO, and sometimes an intern. …When one of my colleagues shared his screen during a meeting, his chat window was still up and I found out the other three full-time employees had a group chat they named ‘The Official Dream Team.’ …Am I being oversensitive or is this intentional ostracism?”
Ask an Expert: What Should I Do If My Boss Is Gaslighting Me?
by Mary Abbajay
“How do you navigate working for a toxic leader when you can see the direct impact of their behavior on your career? For example, if you work under a leader who is going out of their way to make sure you don’t develop the skills or experience you need…?”
Ask an Expert: Should I Accept a Lower-Level Position?
by Jodi Glickman
“I was offered an internship at a company I am very interested in, but feel like that is a downgrade considering I have been working full-time for over two years now. Should I be considering taking a lower-level position given the job market right now?”
Like what you see? This article is adapted from our weekly newsletter.
